Blogmas!! Day 17 

If you’ve been following my blogmas posts you will have seen ive said that ive had a shit few weeks. I’ve had quite a lot of stuff going on that I’ve been keeping to myself. As soon as I spoke about one which was more recent, I had so much shit to follow it. Its made me feel like this isn’t  a place where I can talk about things and I have to keep everything in.

I’ve had this blog just under a year as I started it in January and I’ve slowly become more open and confident. I’ve felt like I can be myself and don’t have to act happy all the time. It’s okay to be sad.

At the start of the month, I was feeling so festive and was excited to share everything with whoever happened to read. Some of you have been so supportive of me and I really appreciate it. Because of everything that’s happened, I’m really not even feeling Christmas anymore which is such a shame.

That’s why my blogmas posts haven’t really been Christmas realated. I dont want to give up… I want to post everyday until boxing day because boxing day is still like Christmas to me. Im not sure how Christmassy they will be so if you’ve been reading and no longer want to I understand.

I’ve never done anything to purposely hurt another person and I would never go out of my way to cause trouble. Ive been hurt so many times but this time hurts more than ever before. Yes. I am still in love with Rob. The way we broke up wasnt great. But I respect that hes happy now so I would never deliberately do anything to ruin that. Yet I’m being made out like a bad person. I know I’m not and others opinions of me shouldnt matter but they do. There’s nothing I can do about that.

I want to move on. I’ve tried to move on. I met this lovely guy but we’re not after the same things. Even if we were it wouldn’t be fair. Im not fully over my ex. Im working on it but everywhere I go im reminded of us. I cant even look at my prom photos because I went with him. Which also means I cant post a lot of photos I like anymore because that would be ‘immature’

Im only young but I honestly thought me and him were going to be together for a long time which makes everything somuch  harder.

I just hope I find someone who will make me happy because I will admit there were times with him where I wasnt happy but then there were others where I couldnt be any happier in that moment.

If you’ve actually read this far thanks. I hope I feel better tomorrow. Im going to see my brother who lives in my dads old house. Hopefully this will reignite the Christmas spark as I used to spend Christmas with my dad.

Again I’m sorry if I’ve disappointed anyone.

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